Going from nowhere to nowhere

16 months ago when I bought a one way ticket from Madrid, Spain to Salvador de Bahia, Brazil, I didn't expect to be in this continent for a long time, actually I didn't really expect anything, just wanted to leave and go with the flow and see where the road would lead me. But to be honest, in the first few months, I was thinking that it would just be another one of those trips that I did, 2 to 3 months on the road and then go back to Spain.

But one step at a time, one country after another, and now 1 year-4 months and 6 countries later, I find myself still wandering in this continent. And the end is not in sight. Quite to the contrary, I am thinking of staying here for a while.

I never thought that I could travel almost non stop for this long a period. I had always thought that my limit was 4 months top. But this 16 months have prove to me that limits are there to be overcome. Although being on the road for this long has its physical, emotional and mental tolls, it is through understanding and overcoming my limits and being in an uncomfortable state that I can begin to learn about myself; the not so nice side of myself, my imperfections. And then learn to embrace me for me, in all my goodness and imperfections. And when I can truly do that, then I am truly free.

While trekking through the pristine landscape of Torres del Paine in Chile, I explored my physical limit in terms of endurance to cold and tough conditions. And while hitch-hiking up the Carretera Austral, Chile, it was a test of solitude. I have never felt so alone, there were a few times where I was left in a crossroad where there was no sign of any human being, nor their settlement. I felt I was the only person in the world. Also at that time I was going through a very difficult period emotionally. I was feeling extremely lonely. I thought that I was ok being alone and not having friends by my side at all times, I thought that I was stronger in my emotional state, but again I was brought down to see that I should never take anything for granted. I still have a lot to learn about solitude.

This year has been a year of many self discovery. I learnt again the neccesity of deconstructing my identity. No matter how much I have grown to like or habitate in one, I cannot deny the fact that change is the only constant in life. And to evolve with change is the only way I can keep my sanity and this fleeting sense of contentment and happiness that we all long for.

Now that I have chosen to settle in Colombia for a while. I have to start from zero again. Looking for work, house and friends. The novelty of being in a new place and starting a new is wearing off. It is a vicious cycle that I want to jump out of, but the question is into what? What's on offer in the society I want no part in. So then what? What's the alternative? What are the options? To go back to a society that I don't believe in and a life that's identical to everyone else? I rather enjoy this current melancholy limbo.