The last to leave

Running at the stadium at dusk is my favourite thing to do
The sun descends slowly to call it a day
Colouring the cloud with spectacular artistry
The call to prayer rings from a distant mosque
Calming as it wails through time and space
The last of the regular joggers leave
And it's just me and the darken track
All I can hear is the rhythmic pounding of my shoes on the pavement
The orchestra of crickets cheers me on
All I can see is the track stretching into the darkness
Forever a step away from me
My heart pounds in sync with my body
My mind blanks like a new born
The past left behind and the future surrendered to the unknown
All there is, is the present, step pounding step
It's moment like this that I am
... at peace...

What's next?

I've spent a few years in a Catholic seminary, traveled to 48 countries, lived in 7 of them, worked in a 5 star hotel as well as a street artist. Consider that I'm 38yo I think I've achieved quite a lot in my short life. But where I am today is the product of the decisions I've made.

8 years ago, in the middle of a promising career I made the decision to quit and left for the uncertainty of Europe. 2 years later when my visa was ending in England and I found a good paying job that might help me to get a work permit, I decided to turn it down and go to Spain. 3 years on, after living illegally in a country that I grew to love, I had a chance to apply for a residence permit. But I decided to not pursue it and went to South America. 2 and a half years later, a friend offered to marry me so that I could stay in Colombia. Once again I turned it down and left to come back to Malaysia.

I used to dislike making decision, it filled me with drag. I was afraid of making the "wrong" decision. But I've come to realise that there's no such thing as a "wrong" decision. Every decision comes with consequences. And as long as I'm ready to face these consequences, I'm ready to make the decision.

Decision doesn't equal solution. Each decision doesn't lead to a solution but rather a Pandora box with a set of variables. We make a decision and that set in motion something that we can and cannot foresee. This Pandora box of variables can be frightening; to the point of postponing the decision making process.

But it comes a time where I cannot postpone and procrastinate anymore. So here I am, once again in a crossroad where I have to make a decision. It's a new year. And a new chapter of my life is about to begin. I don't know what is to come or where I'm heading, but I'm ready to take the leap of faith once again.